


i just want you to know

by joobi



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: How Do I Tag, OH RIGHT I NEED TO TAG THE ACTUAL STORY AH SHIT HERE WE GO AGAIN, all my sad characters r literally just me, anxious?, basically it starts when he feels the beginning of one, he's just, hongjoomg, hongjoong isnt depressed! surprisingly, i'm an unhealthy person, idk if this is how it feels for yall, im jus tryna write out my emotions, im not good w making plots, kim hongjoong has a panic attack, mentions wetting himself (?), plots for short stories, really detailed account of a panic attack, so yea uh what do i write, some self deprecation, specifically short stories i made 5 am, this is all my experience, this might be a tw for some, this was made 2 days after one of mine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 19:00:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19340647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joobi/pseuds/joobi
Summary: hongjoong can't move and he's gonna die. this is what death feels like, and he's going to die alone.





	i just want you to know

**Author's Note:**

> tws: panic attack
> 
> thats it thats the whole thing its hongjoong having a panic attack.

hongjoong can hear blood passing through his ears.

_thump, thump, thump._

his chest heaves up and down and he's suddenly so cold. he doesn't know why he's cold, it's summer and it's nearly 33 degrees and he's sweating, he's drenched right now but he's still shivering because he feels like he's _freezing_.

he stumbles into his room, tearing through the old wardrobe and pulling on an extra shirt and a hoodie. his chest is still moving furiously up and down, and he can see it through three layers of clothing.

his hands are trembling and his vision becomes blurry. he really hates all of this and he knows the panic he's feeling right now is going to get worse and he panics even more from that thought alone. 

hongjoong gets hot all over again and he's hit with just how sweaty he is. his shirts and hoodie are damp and there are dark spots from the places where he sweat the most. he takes all his clothes off, panting like a fucking dog and the sweat is running down his body like he just took a shower.

he runs to the bathroom to run his face under the cold water of his sink, but halfway there the shaking in his hands spreads to his arms and legs and he collapses, unable to support himself.

he can hear his heart pounding and he wants to scream. his chest hurts so much. it feels like it's tightening around nonexistent pressure and his left arm is stabbing with pain and he vaguely wonders if he's having a heart attack, if he's going to die in his early twenties.

he tries taking a deep breath to calm himself but all he can manage is ugly wheezing. his vision is getting narrower and narrower until he can't see the hand he tries to hold in front of his face.

at this point hongjoong is on the floor completely, unable to move. the fear is climbing up his throat and his limbs lock up, seizing and straining. it still hurts, everything hurts so much.

“you’re dying,” a voice in his head says. "you're gonna die."

he feels like he's jumping out of his skin but he can't move, he's still tossed on the floor like a pile of rags.

his stomach cramps and he howls, or at least he thinks he does? he isn't sure what's going on, everything's still and he feels something wet under him.

the smell hits him and he wants to barf. he peed. he pissed himself, he's disgusted with himself and he wants to get up but it feels like something is sitting on his chest and he's drowning.

hongjoong's still naked and covered in his urine and he thinks his hand can move now. the smell of ammonia is dizzying and he pulls himself into the bathroom and latches onto the knob of the faucet, spinning it with his middle finger and thumb.

the water rushes down and he sticks his head beneath the water, gasping and squeezing his eyes shut tightly.

he gathers enough energy to throw himself into the tub and lay in the water for a while before he becomes self conscious and sits up shakily, closing the flow and letting the dirty water whirl down the drain.

he turns the knob back and lets the water fill this time, leaning back and breathing heavily as the icey liquid flows over his sore muscles.

he knows he's got to go back later and clean up before the others come back in a few minutes, mop up his urine and toss his sweaty clothes in the laundry.

he feels gross. he's just done with everything.

**Author's Note:**

> there you go, 617 words of this. please lmk if its got any typos bc idk if u read the tags but this was made from 4 am to rn 6.12 am (i got distracted reading abt eunuchs on quora halfway sorry)  
> i have nothing better to do than suffer, so if me going 3 days w out sleep goes well then i'll update at least ONE of my fics


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